Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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