I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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