I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She's the barista slut.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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