I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My pussy is not your playground.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize