At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize