things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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