Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
