the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
