Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
