Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
