All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
