How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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