I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
