who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Drunk is not a location!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
