I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize