so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize