shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
