I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
party gras won. party gras always wins.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
