what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
