Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
