just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
