speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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