whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
