Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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