i was born a porn star she said
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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