Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
