just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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