My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize