every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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