Me too!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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