summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
