Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
