Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
