Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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