I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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