the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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