I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
