I smell stomach acid.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
