Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
