dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
