she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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