Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
