Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
