I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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