Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
