I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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