Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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