it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
