it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
