it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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