I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
