Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
