you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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