Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
