Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
