direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
