Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
