also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
