ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
