Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I party with great urgency now.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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