Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
